A few days ago, the hubs and I were discussing intuitive eating. He was trying to wrap his head around some ideas, and he had questions.
I wasn’t taking the questions well. I felt my body tense up. I was annoyed.
Why didn’t he believe what I was telling him? What bothered him so much?
Finally, I snapped. While my answer was good, the delivery method wasn’t.
“Just. Eat the way you want. Okay? I don’t care. Count calories. Diet. Do it all. It’s your life. All I’m saying is - not counting calories, listening to my body- has set me free. But it may not be for you. And that’s fine.”
Again, good thoughts. Poor delivery. It’s all in the tone, ykwim?
Anywho, our conversation got me thinking about a lot of deeper stuff.
Like, how you can love someone and completely disagree with them. And, more seriously, how shutting down questions ends conversations; you’ll never give that other person the opportunity to understand your point of view if you shut down their questions.
I remember all the heated conversations I had, on FACEBOOK, leading up to the election.
When I told a friend I was voting Democrat for this election, she shot back, “You’re voting for communism, then. Your kids are going to suffer because of what you’re choosing.”
Later, the same friend wrote a Facebook post singing the praises of former President Trump. In the comment section, someone asked her, “Do you really support that fascist?”
I keep seeing conversations like these, post-election, in online spaces.
There are words to help describe the complexities of this way of dialoguing. Dualism. Tribalism. Black and white thinking. Bullshitting. Gaslighting.
I know pandemic-isolation and communicating only on social media or via Zoom make conversations all the more difficult.
I’m saddened by the way these convos go. And, yes, I have been a part of the problem at times.
So in the weeks to come, what I’d like to do is take a look at what dualism and tribalism are, and how we can stay away from them.
I’d like to sort through and examine some hot-button issues, like political parties and abortion and even homeschooling, and see, with you, the complexities surrounding them, how they are not one-size-fits-all, black and white, either/or, how someone believing one way or another about an issue canNOT be simply stamped, labeled and boxed away.
I want to chat about how we can dialogue, really dialogue, with each other, and confront the obstacles that stand in the way of doing so.
So, friends, this is me inviting you on a little quest to find out what divides us and why, and to help us see issues from more than two points of view, even if we REALLY strongly disagree.